FICTION

Despite my best efforts and resolves not to get carried away, my fingers tip toed on the key board and before I could know or resist I have already scrolled down the screen, reading at 500 words per minute and almost involuntarily the details were absorbed by my heart… ah after my graduation for the first time I had used my memory cells.. to mug up the things I read on the site !!!!

And the last instructions were, do it naturally as your partner MUST NOT know that you are doing it as per instructions or discussions… all should look and feel Natural. ( hi hi hi hi I purposely added that line to ignite your interest of what I had read, I know most of you have guessed it wrongly……….)

Reaching home in time before the sun set is a blessing in it-self for all the accountants working in private companies. I prayed that she does not see me entering the home so that I could hide the “significant things” I had bought during the drive back home and luckily my wish was granted……

She didn’t expect me at that time and was sitting in the back balcony behind our bed room, which opened towards the majestic Shivalik valley with clouds drifting at the horizon……. Sun nose dived into the distant hills while its golden yellow rays turned the clouds from white to crimson….. I could see the shine and shimmer of the romantic evening on her face as she lied on the easy chair wearing her gown while her feet rested on the iron grill of the balcony……. In all the privacy our home had due to its unique location, the glow on her face radiated her desires and the cool drop-lets that drifted from he mon-soon clouds towards her  must be turning into ambers…..

I checked my moves and remembered the instructions … do not rush things, be calm, thorough and comprehensive in executing formulae learnt…. Thanking the web site in my mind for that I moved on to my first step….LOOK INTO EACH OTHER’s EYES and watch the sun setting in your spouses face……….. Yeah, but the clouds had now been turned into black and I did not know that …… and as I put my hands at her shoulders stealthily  and placed my lips on the fore-head, approaching her chair from the back so that she must not know……..

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh

My lips tasted sour, bitter…acidic……. while my hands and arms that grabbed her from behind had some creamy sticky thing on them and she screamed madly……. And what followed in her Punjabi accent could not be translated into English, not even in hinglish !!!!!!

She had applied some ayurvedic  mixture on her face and fore head (real cause of her glowing face), while her head had the green mehandi paste mixed with egg and her under-arms had the Veet hair removing creame………… aaahhh what the hell had I tasted and now was digesting her anger with all the Punjabi slang….. I had ruined her hard efforts of last three hours ……. And it took me a few minutes to explain her  but all in vain.

And the worst had to follow ….. the mehnadi paste had dried up on my shirt while I had tried the adventure of surprising her with my kiss and during the argument I had no idea of the aftermaths that engulfed me…my shirst ruined, my mouth bitter and ……..ooooooooooo  LLLLLLLLLLLaaaaaaaaaaaa while I opened my shirt and washed my face and hands, I screamed with horror…… the wash basin had my hair…my arms that hugged her had caught the Veet creame from her under arms and in the due course of 15 minutes, the creame had showed its effect…….. a good patch of hair from my fore-arms and hands had vanished…..

Cool down, relax, make your respiration rate normal while you start with the next step…… whisper to each other the love notes………. I had written a love note on a paper and had kept it in my breast pocket as per my pre-planned intentions.

“Hey please sew the button of my shirt dear “ I said purposely so that she grabs the note while she took my shirt in her hands……… and as she took the shirt with a needle in her hands, I went away so that she has the solitude to read my love note…… I went to the other room and kept an eye on her from the open door. Imagining and expecting too, a tight hug from her as I had chosen the best love note from the net using all my skills with google…..

I heard her foot steps……..She was approaching me, quite hastily… I knew it …….. I knew it… I knew it… my note had spelled the magic, made her so excited that she was coming to me ……. Almost as ferociously as the locomotive in the movie “The Burning Train”…….. While I stood their like a pigeon with closed eyes, expecting a loving hug….

Oouucchhhh…

I hate Bill Gates…. And the idiot who made that bloody copy paste command …..

WHY have they crept in here …… well you guessed it right, while I copy pasted a love note from the net I forgot to delete the word “Dearest Steffy “ while taking out the print-out…

and the extra perfume I had added to the note to make it more sensuous,..aahhh… confirmed her belief about the existence of some real alive “Steffy”……… AND barely I had absorbed the shock of my designer shirt or more precisely my mehnadi designed shirt and hair-less patches on my arms that the bomb shell of this virtual  Steffy thwarted my efforts…..

Before I could justify she had grabbed my mobile and locked her-self in the bathroom, while I stood out-side trying hard to listen to her conversation……

“Hi P’”

And she narrated the whole evening incidents chronologically ……… I didn’t know what she heard from the other side…..

She came out, in a decisive tone said, “ Car Keys……”

“Listen… let me tell you… you would NOT take the car out in that mood of yours.. see.. look…listen. ”

“I said, the car keys”

“A … let me tell you the truth……” I murmured and before I could say anything she had snatched the keys from me……. I followed her to the porch….

She unlocked the car and found the roses….

She smiled, tone charged with love and romance oozing out of her words, “ Now ask me for a long drive with a dinner table you have booked ……….”

“What.. how do you know…..” I was surprised.

“Well I called and told the happening to P….. P laughed at us and luckily she could make out from what I told her that  my poor hubby did all the steps described at the web-site about 50 Romantic things to re-kindle love in married life….”

“Well, but I failed……..” I gave a clean chest to my  “humourously” unsuccessful attempt.

“No you didn’t fail, rather I failed to recognize your love…… your efforts………I came to the car as P told me that 42^nd step was to take her out and 45^th one was about roses…….. so I came to the car to find out that you really are following those steps…….” saying this she melted in my arms…

“Oh….shhh”a sigh escaped from my lips.

“What happened now…” she was worried by a little sigh I had.

“Your hair still smell of that mehnadi … and that ayurvedic stuff………” I said adding a bit humour in my voice as it was the 38^th thing I had read in the web site…..” be humorous”.

Now was the time for me to be happy and proud.

She said while she kept her eyes low, “Hell with it, I tried all those ayurvedic stuff to keep my self attractive for you, after all these years of busy life.. I never had the time neither did I made any effort to keep my-self as I was a few years back. So tried these products…….” She said in a confessingly honest tone.

I smiled, “See the co-incidence we tried the tricks on the same day.”

“Aren’t we late for the dinner you had booked…….” She asked and added shyly, “ today I had no time to prepare food…….”

“Its already 11. I think our booking time for dinner is already over……” I said, “But I have a few chocolates…I bought them with roses”

“Gimme 10 minutes “ she smiled back.

And then we had a Quiet shower followed by a candle light “snacks” with fruits and chocolates ……….. reward for all my efforts………

At last the humorous tragedy turned into a sensual one at last !!!!

Don’t scroll down.. I am not giving those details here………

FICTION